so that wasnt chicken after all
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
