I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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