Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
