I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
