i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
