You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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