Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
