Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Randomize
