wanna go halves on a baby?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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