i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Randomize
