Little spoons don't ask big questions
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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