so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
