They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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