I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
