I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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