i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Found your dick twin last night
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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