I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
