Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
