Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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