I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
