I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
