I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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