you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
