Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
