you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
