Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
