In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
