so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
