there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
We have started to decorate penises.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
