I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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