dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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