she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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