I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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