we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
