I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
