So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He told me they were just razor bumps!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
