Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
