I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
