As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
