I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
