I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Randomize
