hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
