Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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