i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I wanna passion pit in your ass
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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