I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I came so hard my ears popped.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
