why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
it's like heaven, but drunker
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
