If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I think my vagina is haunted
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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