I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
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