He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
