why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
