It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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