speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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