I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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