Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
