I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
