He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So much Jack, so little girl.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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