I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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