I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
