Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
sarcasm needs its own font
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
