i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
