you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
