I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
