I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
