I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize