Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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