u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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