oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
