her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Randomize
