pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Randomize
