My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
