Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize
